you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
