FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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