those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
