I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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