i think i have two assholes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
