Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
