My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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