Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
