It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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