why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
