but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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