My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
