your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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