Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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