margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
