Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
