Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
