She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
