He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
