if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
