i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
