How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize