I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got inside last night via doggy door
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
