I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize