DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
