ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
