After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
