Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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