when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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