A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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