I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
