just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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