he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
