Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
