I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
