I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
