my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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