Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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