I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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