i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
