Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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