If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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