Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize