she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
