I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
