Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
