You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
