We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
