There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
