She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no, he came in my armpit
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
