Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
