Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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