Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
