that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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