I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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