I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
