Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
