He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
