THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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