That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
