Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
