i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
