apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
