U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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