I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
