i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
