It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
