I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
