in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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