as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
