I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
