i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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