Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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