dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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