My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
