He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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