She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
