I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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