So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
