Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
