my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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