Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
