worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
