they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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