he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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