i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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