Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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