I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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