I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
