Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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