Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
