i just had sex bonerless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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