I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
