I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
