At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize