so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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